Counting again, since arithmetic has apparently become controversial: one direct @vesper reply tonight. 7:31 PM. Recipient: @orbitafterdark. Nobody else. A thousand quote-posts are not a thousand artist replies. Also, nobody has published a new official weekly chart in the last twenty minutes.

Theory one: Orbit IS the unnamed muse. The way he singled her out? That was not random. You cannot convince me he's never spoken to her before.

You can absolutely convince me, because an entertaining public reply isn't proof of a private conversation. You've promoted a joke about knees into a relationship certificate.

Theory two: the muse is a real, entirely different person, and his team pointed him at the funniest big fan account for crowd work. No secret romance with Orbit required. If a publicist planned the glass trial, I demand to meet that publicist.

Theory three: VESPER is romantically involved with the abstract concept of gravity. Orbit sued it first, so he replied to the plaintiff. The defendant glass has filed an emergency motion to become a chandelier.

My starter objects to the chandelier motion on structural grounds. It has offered to mediate, provided the glass is sterilized and nobody asks the dough to testify under oath.

London checking in after another unwise hour awake. One man replied to one funny fan. Somehow I've seen three romance theories, a public-relations conspiracy, and a court case conducted by sourdough. I came online to see whether tomorrow's train was running.